'Tis the Season

I hate the holidays. Always have.

I don't think anything will ever change that. I was listening to the radio and the host was talking about a recent finding that stated that January 17th was the saddest day of the year. Why? Because all the bills from the past Christmas season are flowing in, all the presents are down, the Christmas tree and its decorations are taken down and stored away and the gingerbread smell has long lingered away.

Sad? I guess, but maybe not for the reasons listed above. It's sad because the holidays have been so commercialized and marketed that people have really lost sight of the small things. Cliche statement, I know, but I'm serious.

New Year's Eve is usually spent at my aunt's house. Everyone goes over and there's food and Spanish music (too much if you ask me) and it's usually a pretty good recipe for fun. The spoiler of this oh so perfect delight - time. Time destroys everything. Well, destroy is a pretty harsh word, maybe changes, but that doesn't begin to describe it either. Anyway, the point of this is I was talking to my 13 year old cousin Chase who, to my surprise said the following words with such sincerity it almost killed me. "Things aren't the same, are they Jessee?" I then asked what he meant, and he explained, "It's not the same. Titi isn't having fun, no one is down stairs dancing and it's different."

Chase was right. Its weird that a 13 year old picked up on this. Maybe I'm just underestimating the intuitiveness of a 13 year old. It is different. My other cousin Axel is in Parris Island getting ready for his life as U.S Marine. My thoughts on that are for a completely different post all together. We all have gotten older and nothing is like is was when we were little. The holidays turned into the "who-got-me-what" game and hished discussion about how much something cost. It's disgusting, really.

I don't have kids. I don't plan on having any. I'm the oldest out of all the kids on either side of my family, so I've dealt with kids and I know I'll have alot of nieces and nephews one day who, I hope will grow up seeing that the holidays are about family, about discovering the beauty in the world around us as it cycles through another year; because if they don't they won't know how wonderful the holidays could be.

I started this saying I've always hated the holidays. That's not true - I miss the real holidays, when my mom's side and my dad's side of the family actually got along, when I recieved more hugs from my Grandpa rather than an envelope with $100 bill that my parents bought a card to put it in and signed his name, when Axel was home sneaking drinks with us older kids upstairs while the parents all danced and shot darts downstairs, when it wasn't about how much something cost but thoughtfulness behind it.

I'm 23 and I don't think I've had a real holiday in fifteen years. That's a decade and a half...I wonder how long it's been for Chase...

Til next time